It looks like social distancing will be happening for a while and we’re all settling into a new ‘normal’ and routine. Should we allow our teens to find their own routine? Without too much influence from us?
I’m not suggesting that you allow your teens to become vampires, only emerging during the dead of night and sleeping during the day. Or your preteen to spend 24/7 on devices. But with a few boundaries they can adjust to life as part of the family, while also establishing their independence.
If you don’t have depression (or know someone with depression) the following list may seem strange. However, from my observations and my own experience, people are reacting to social distancing very similarly to a depressive episode.
Firstly establish some non-negotiables with your teen or pre-teen:
- Sleep at least 8 hours a day
- Social time with family
- Eat a range of foods
- Drink a suitable amount of water
- Exercise in some format and fresh air
- Shower / change on a regular basis
- Socialise with other people
This routine will look different for each child and family. I have a teen, a pre-teen and a primary schooler, and their schedules are quite different. My teen stays up very late, sleeps in, my pre-teen has a similar sleeping pattern to me but is starting to sleep in, while my primary schooler is awake with the birds. Ugh.
We are generally all awake and socialising during the afternoon and that is when we have family time. A walk, watching something on TV or playing with our animals. As their schedules are also out of sync I can also spend 1-on-1 time with each of them too.
Meal times have adjusted to our routines. So my teen tends to have ‘lunch’ with the rest of us when we have dinner. I make sure I have a range of snacks and easily prepared meals for my kids to fend for themselves. At the beginning of the lock-down they seemed to think they had a maid 24/7. I quickly made sure that they knew this was not the case. Everyone also has their own water bottles to make sure we all remain hydrated so I don’t end up with 57 glasses surrounding the sink as they forget which one is theirs.
Exercise comes in different formats for my kids. My younger kids tend to jump on the trampoline, ride scooters or go on walks (hunting bears or Easter eggs) with me. My teen seems to enjoy changing her room around every few days and I consider this as weigh lifting for her. She also plays with the 3 cats and 2 bunnies we have and looks after them with minimal nagging. Encourage your teen to do something, that gets them moving, and if they are outside, that’s even better!
While I heartily support the occasional pyjama day, I do encourage my kids to change and shower regularly. If anyone starts to smell like they belong in the dirty clothes basket they are threatened to be hosed off on the lawn until they agree to have a shower.
Finally, and most importantly, our kids need social contact. Older children know already how to use social media to keep in contact with their friends and it’s vital to let them continue that contact. Younger children may need help to do this, so hosting a Face-time or Zoom chat with a couple of their friends may be the answer.
Everyone benefits by chatting with their relatives, we recently organised a game of Monopoly over 3 households. It took a while to get the hang of it and we thoroughly enjoyed the time we were able to catch up.
So I hope this has helped you work out what you should be doing with your kids during this time. Allow everyone to relax and we don’t have to entertain our kids all the time. Boredom is sometimes the best thing for creativity.
One reply on “What should our teens be doing?”
that was impressive article thanks